Is money the root of all marital evil? After all, countless books, magazine articles and websites claim financial problems are the primary cause of divorce. It turns out, however, that’s more of an urban legend than fact. Jan Andersen, a Utah State University consumer economist and personal finance expert, did extensive research to document “money causes divorce” statistics and found that financial problems directly account for only about five percent of divorces.

However, that doesn’t mean couples don’t argue about money. For example, a survey by Money magazine revealed finances are behind tensions in a whopping 84 percent of marriages.

So what causes marital financial squabbles? Even if both partners have solid incomes, working together as a team to manage money can be difficult – especially when basic attitudes about money are different. One spouse may be a coupon clipping, watch every penny saver, while the other has a spendthrift philosophy about living and spending for today.

Fortunately, whether you are similar or different in your approaches to money, there are proven ways you can work together to build a solid financial future. With the added stress of issues like the recession, a shaky housing market, job insecurities and shrinking retirement funds, figuring out how to manage money as a team could be more important now than ever.

Have the “Money Talk”

Whether you are thinking about getting married, already in a committed relationship, or tied the knot years ago, don’t gloss over the issue of money. You need to talk about your bottom line – not just how much you make and spend but your attitudes about money and financial goals.

“Most people have cultural and emotional attachments to their money habits just as they do their eating habits or family behavior. Coming to an agreement as a couple in any of these areas can be hard, but the pressure to live within your income is generally more intense and immediate than the pressure to change your eating habits or family behavior,” Dena Wise, Ph.D., Associate Professor and Family Economics Specialist with the University of Tennessee Extension, tells Synergy.

If you aren’t married yet and don’t have many assets, Dr. Wise says you probably don’t need to hammer out a formal prenuptial agreement. “However, it is essential for couples to go into either a committed relationship or a marriage with a good understanding of the other person’s financial situation,” she emphasizes. “Who wants to fall head over heels in love with someone only to find out that the amount of debt they carry will wipe out any possibility of financial security for you as a couple? Whether couples pool their finances and or keep their independent accounts, transparency is important. There’s no place for substantial money secrets in a healthy marriage.”

However, what if you are already married and have never had a heart-to-heart talk about finances, much less figured out mutual financial goals? It’s not hopeless, if you accept the fact you need to get serious about controlling your finances and commit to taking action.

“The first step we recommend is that each partner write down everything they spend for a month. There are always surprises when you find out exactly where your money is going, and you can’t stop a money leak if you’re unaware,” Dr. Wise explains. “The next step is to make a plan for both spending and putting money aside for emergencies, longer-term financial goals, and investments. Many banks and credit unions are offering the services of a financial planner without charge to their customers. “

Avoiding financial pitfalls and tips for success

Dr. Wise says the biggest mistake most couples make is not making and sticking to a financial plan early in life. Minimal financial tasks such as putting together a spending plan, paying down debt, setting aside savings, maintaining an emergency fund, and purchasing basic insurance are essential to managing your money proactively – so that when unexpected expenses and money emergencies pop up in life, you’ll be prepared instead of having to react and scramble for a financial fix.

“Couples who make a commitment to regular savings and retirement contributions early in life will be enjoying their mid-life and retirement while their friends who postponed saving are struggling to make ends meet,” Dr. Wise states.

More priceless tips from Dr. Wise to help couples manage and save money:

• The first and most important rule of financial security: always spend less than you earn.
• Make your financial plans together and review them at least once a year. When you file your federal income tax is a good time.
• Stay out of debt. Going deeply into debt early in life will hurt your financial future in two ways: you won’t be able to enjoy the huge advantage of investments growing over time because your income in early life will be spent paying down debt rather than investing, and, if you have shaky credit, you will pay higher interest rates on home and auto loans over your lifetime.
• Always spend some of your income on things that appreciate rather than things that depreciate or are consumed.
• Educate yourself about finances. Online, the eXtension Financial Security for All website (http://www.extension.org/personal%20finance) offers free, practical, reliable, and unbiased advice from research universities across the U.S.