The holidays are a stressful time. We all know it.

First there’s the sudden filling of your calendar, with everything from neighborhood parties and the house decorations, to worship services, to your little snowflake's six Nutcracker shows, which overlap with your alto's four performances of nondenominational holiday songs at the town hall. Meanwhile there are the usual business deadlines, school exams, and other urgencies of life.

Then there is the shopping nightmare. Never mind the frigid parking lots and grumpy salespeople. This year, unless you won the lottery and happen to have a few dozen million still left, you're going to be buying gifts on a painfully pinched budget.

Next comes the crowded travel, especially in harsh weather over long distances, ramping up tension, exhaustion, and expense. It’s enough to make you trade the SUV in for a comfortable couch.

For some, all of those problems, sometimes accompanied by a sense of loss -- of a loved one, a relationship, or a spiritual connection to the season -- combine to form the perfect storm of holiday stress. Therein can lie the road to depression and poor health.

Yet, there are some tried-and-true actions you can take to keep from going over the edge this holiday season, or any time, for that matter. Some are so obvious, such as: "Get your shopping done early." Sure, it sounds like a good idea if you're one of the few who can manage it. The rest of us, around mid-December, will once again be vowing to start earlier next year.

Philosophical and physical

You don't have to be devout in any faith to remember what the holidays are about. For millennia they have traditionally marked the end of the fall harvest, a settling down, a gathering in of family and friends, and a season of sharing and conviviality. They can still be this way, despite the demands of the modern world and the urgings of a consumer economy (good or bad).

If you find that the true meaning of the season for you always ends up buried in commerce and triviality, do something about it. Lend a helping hand, donate some time to a good cause, tune out the crassness, and be true to your own best instincts.

"Look at it this way. We're all in the same boat," says marriage and family therapist Gretchen Granbery. "The holidays are a challenge for everyone, so one approach is to take a few minutes several times a day just to breathe and consciously relax. Try to let the craziness flow past. Let the tense people go their ways, so you can go your own way without getting caught up in their tension. You may end up just as busy, but a relaxed attitude is much healthier and can allow you to enjoy yourself and be more effective."

Exercise, too, is a proven route to a sense of well-being, relaxation, and good health. We all tend to feel as if a lot is riding on our shoulders during the holidays. We can feel pressured to drive ahead all day without much regard for our own health. That's a mistake. Whether our personal sense of responsibility for everyone else's holiday happiness is inflated or not, exercise pays multiple dividends. Carve out time every day for a workout at the gym or a walk in the fresh air.

Get plenty of sleep, and don't go off the deep end when it comes to eating and drinking. The holidays bring lots of good things to the table, and you can enjoy them without ill effect or remorse if you remember to sample, not gorge.

When it comes to potential stress between family members at holiday gatherings, use creative ways to defuse tensions. "There's no reason to stir up old fights," says Granbery. "There should maybe even be a specific agreement to avoid certain topics and to concentrate on positive aspects of the relationship. And the social schedule should be set up as much as possible to prevent certain personalities from having a chance to get into disagreement. Some family members even invent signals to let each other know when Aunt So-And-So has pushed too far and that they need a break to go cool down, so that another family member can step in and maybe change the subject or point Aunt So-And-So's attention somewhere else."

And if the tensions are really inevitable and intolerable, maybe you should reexamine that unwritten rule that Aunt So-And-So needs to be included every year.

Practical and financial

Call a family meeting. Decide what outside events are absolutely necessary, which would be nice, and which to skip. Post a calendar for all to see. Guard any blank spaces in that calendar, and discuss any additions. Respond to invitations early and decisively. And remember, it's OK to say no.

On the home front, find out what elements of the holiday season are especially important to each member of the family, whether it's baking, playing board games, going to parties, singing carols with the neighbors, decorating the tree, gathering at a place of worship, or just sitting as often as possible with your feet elevated and a cup of cheer in hand. Make time in your calendar for each other's enthusiasms, and enjoy the overlaps.

Spread the load around when it comes to decorating, cooking, washing up, housekeeping, and neighborly chores and duties. Often, one person takes on the lion's share of holiday responsibilities and ends up worn out, grumpy, and resentful. If you're that person, ask yourself if you really need to have all those elements in place, and if so, whether they all need to be as perfect as you normally make them. Delegate some of the chores to family members, and be prepared to accept their version of the jobs. It'll be OK, really. Light is the work when many toil.

Now, down to money -- the 900-pound gorilla in the room this year. You should resist the urge to "Keep up with the Joneses" when buying gifts for acquaintances and neighbors, especially now. Most Americans are in similar financial condition, and will completely understand and welcome a moratorium on giving at this level. A few home-baked cookies or a pot-luck supper and sing-along are another matter. It really is the thought -- and the togetherness -- that counts.

For family members and friends on the must-have gift list, make a budget with a reasonably firm ceiling. Within that budget set approximate dollar amounts for every person you're buying for.

Aim for quality, not quantity. Think about the gift that's really most important to each person, whether it's a new cell phone for a teenage daughter, a new table saw for Dad, or a recliner for Mom. Pool your resources to go for those presents, and eliminate the extraneous purchases and impulse buys that pad the pile under the tree and get put away with a forced smile anyway. If you want to beef up the present pile, go with favorite foods and other necessary consumables. Remember the days of Dickens, when a Christmas goose was a big deal.

If the kids haven't quite caught up with the realities of family finance, much less the national economy this holiday season, they may be making demands that are impossible to meet. It will do no harm to set them straight in a positive way, says Granbery, and even point them in another direction. "Every year there are civic drives where children can bring in toys in good condition to be distributed to others who are less well-off. It's so much better to help kids learn a tradition of giving than always having them wanting more and more."

And remember, for young kids, that big splashy gift isn’t always as interesting as the box it came in.

To avoid post-holiday stress, use cash or a debit card for your shopping, not a credit card. Save receipts for items that might need to be returned. Most stores will accept returns within two weeks of purchase (although some stores may be putting limits on returns this year).

The holidays are busy enough with worthwhile pursuits. The huge load of extra pressure the advertising media puts on us every holiday season is an unnecessary burden. Girls don't all need to look like Hannah Montana. Boys don't have to play ball like A-Rod. And, if you don't get that last string of lights hung up, it's not the end of the world. Take a seat. Pour yourself some eggnog, with or without something extra. Sit your snowflake on your lap, and read her a story.

Doug Logan is a writer from Branford, Connecticut. He last wrote "Ageless Toys for this Holiday Season" for Synergy. Reach Doug at featuredstories@adamcorp.com.