 Hi, nice to meet you. I’m your Tech Support guy. I keep the Blackberry server humming, the phones working, and everyone’s computer in tip-top shape. And that’s pretty rewarding. I like to think of myself as the backbone of the company’s daily operations.
But I’m also a germ freak. I do NOT love shaking hands with people, I use hand gels liberally, and I use paper towels to open the bathroom door. I’m a little dainty about things, and I freely admit it. Therefore, there are some things about my job I don’t particularly love.
I’m not complaining -- mind you -- but let’s take a closer look at the unhealthy microbes in my world. The world of phones, keyboards, mice, and other breeding grounds of accumulated filth.
I’ll stop beating around the bush and just come out with it. I have to service your equipment a lot, and I don’t like touching your cruft.
Cruft is, well… nasty. It’s everywhere, when you are forced to look at it, as I am.
 Cruft, in case you aren’t familiar with the term, is just the little stuff -- often completely unidentifiable -- that accumulates in and around computers, equipment, desktops, and books. Some of it is harmless. Unfortunately, some of it harbors cold and flu viruses, bacteria like E. coli, and other nasty microbes. In May 2008, news was broadcast around the world that some keyboards are likely to be "dirtier than the office toilet." Nice, huh?
Let’s take a close look at some keyboards. First look at those little black specks of crud in the picture to the right (Figure 1, Blecch).
Now imagine that you have asked me, your Tech Support guy, to fix your computer problem. You can imagine how excited I must be when I arrive and see a keyboard like this.
After tapping away on the keys for a minute to verify your problem, I’ll politely ask you to give me some time alone with your computer. The second you leave your office, I’ll grab my antibacterial gel and thoroughly decontaminate my finger tips. If it’s really disgusting, I wipe Lysol on the keyboard.
Sometimes, curiosity gets the better of me, and I’ll have a look under your keys. This is always very unpleasant, if not oddly compelling. (See Figure 2, Gross Hidden Stuff.)
Usually at this point I am overcome with disgust and quickly race out of your office to wash my hands. Keyboard cruft really gives me the heebie jeebies.
Yes, keyboards are gross. If you want to keep the germ colonies to a minimum, here is my advice:
- Bacteria love to eat food crumbs and other cruft, so occasionally clean off your keyboard. Unplug it, then shake the keyboard upside down. (Cruft often comes raining down.) Wipe off the tops of the keys with alcohol or other disinfectant.
- Since your keyboard has germs on it, try not to handle your food and touch the keyboard at the same time. Wash your hands before eating.
- Be especially vigilant if you share a keyboard with others! This can help prevent colds and flu from running rampant in your office.
But enough about keyboards. Have you looked at the back of your computer and behind your desk where the cables lie? Everywhere I work, I have to deal with your cruft -- stuck to fans, vents, and the backs of phones.
Speaking of phones, let me just be blunt here -- I see ear wax all the time. I’m not kidding. Some people have apparently never used a Q-Tip. When people are on the phone all day, with the phone cradled against their neck, the ear piece picks up wax, as well as bits of hair and flakes of skin. The mouthpiece gets glooped with lunch food -- mayo, mustard, ketchup, or remnants from anything that squirts a juice. Picture someone eating a sandwich and talking on the phone. You get the gist. Eventually, day after day, all this stuff builds up on the phone and hardens into a black or crusty patina.
I’m not trying to gross you out. I just want you to have a better appreciation for my job. I deal with laptops covered in cat hair, phones covered in lipstick smears and sticky makeup, and mouse rollers that don’t work because they are caked in goo and hair. Wherever there is cruft, wax, gunk, or hair, bacteria is not far behind. I just never know what I’m touching. I use Lysol liberally and wash my hands often.
I Still Like YouI guess I can’t blame you. I mean, you are human and everything, which means you slough off several pounds of skin and hair in your office every year. It all has to go somewhere. I just wish I didn’t need to touch it.
Maybe I should have thought of that before I became a Tech Support guy. But next time you ask me to come fix your stuff, maybe you could take a minute and kind of wipe it off a little? With Lysol?
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